Sunday, 9 February 2014

Formula 1 2014, the season of noses?

2014, yay! New Year means what? To me, New cars, New standards, New concepts! But the most significant one to me, and this has never happened before, the new 2014 Formula 1 season. Big changes all around, for the cars, for the teams, new rules and what not. The Technical regulations are much more detailed here, along with the new members in the teams, and the respective cars. The order is specific, and its from worst to the best!

DISCLAIMER- May contain pornographic images, please close the window if you are below 10. Oh sorry, 18! :P

This is not a good sign, it's a Gentleman's Sausage!

If you can think of anything else while you look at the nose of the CT05. Can you think of anything else? Why does it look like that? Was the designer gay, or a woman (in that case, I want her autograph)? It is hard to look at it without getting an image of you-know-what. Damn you Caterham, you hire the good guy Kamui, and give him this? Well I hope you get points, just because of Kamui. Please do something about it, else kids won't be allowed to see this sport anymore!

Kamui Kobayashi (9) and Rookie Marcus Ericsson (10) in the Renault Powered CT05

Boohoo, you can only hide it like this!
Small children be like- daddy, that car has a pee-pee!
I am not saying anything now!

F14T, Good name, worst to look at!

Ferrari was doing great. It signed Kimi "Iceman" Raikkonen in 2013, and then they asked the fans to choose the name of the car, which is really good, and is similar to FIAT (if you didn't notice that, you are dumber than you think). But then they did a big mistake, and if it wasn't for the name, it really would have been the ugliest. Just look at the nose, what happened man? You make cars like the 458, F12, LaFerrari, and then this? Oh god, Why does Kimi have to drive this ugly piece of S**T? Look at your own risk, because a sumo-wrestler sat on the nose and left his butt-print.

Kimi Raikkonen (7) and Fernando Alonso (14) in the Ferrari Powered F14T

Anteaters? Dolphins? We are Italians, we like Vacuum Cleaner!
Very hard to like, or maybe easy to hate?
Italians, you mental people, you had to get a sumo-wrestler to sit on it?

McLaren like it simple, Anteater it is!

After a horrifying Podium-less 2013, McLaren has to redeem itself this year. So you kick out the "Non-Performing" Checo Perez, you hire a rookie alongside 2009 Champ Jenson Button, and then you go simple with design. Well, McLarens have been pretty in the past, the MP4-27 and MP4-28 looked good, but this is too simple, and that nose looks like an anteater with an elephants trunk. Not done McLaren, MP4-29 not good!

Jenson Button (22) and Rookie Kevin Magnussen (20) in the Mercedes Powered MP4-29

I am Anteater, I save fuel by eating ants!
What goes at the place of MP$-29?
Atleast some tricks with the camera mountings, no?

Scuderia Toro Rosso say Bulls have pee-pees too!

Yeah, Caterham only aren't the vulgar people. STR says that their car needed a penis to satisfy with the new regulations. And their rookie boy Daniil Kvyat and Jean Eric Vergne will be strapping-on in this car (Joke will be explained once you see the video below). You could have done something to hide it STR, the STR9 looks offensive, trust me. Only the color scheme saved it, but it still will be a laugh if it hits another car or the wall.

Jean Eric Vergne (25) and Rookie Daniil Kvyat (26) in the Renault Powered STR9

The nose from this angle, heeheehee!

I wonder if online streaming will require us to click that "Above 18" button!

Sauber call it C33-Ferrari, I call it too-bland-again!

Losing the Hulk was a big blow, but they got an experienced German in Adrian Sutil along with Esteban Gutierrez. Now that phallic-organ thing, what? Did the Hulk leave that as a memoir? (no offence) And I am too bored with this color, and nothing exciting in this design what-so-ever. I hope they can match the 2013 performance, and then lose their successful driver again! (that was a bad shot, I know)

Adrian Sutil (99) and Esteban Gutierrez (21) in the Ferrari Powered C33-Ferrari

How is Chelsea a sponsor?
Need a pill? :D
Porn-filter will remove this!
Its hidden now, phew!
Best view, not offensive in any way.

Mercedes-AMG Petronas ditch the ugly nose trend, yay!

Although Ferrari don't have the anteater or dolphin or whatever style nose, it is ugly. Mercedes show that the W05 is actually how you make a decent looking car while sticking to the regulations! The nose looks good, but what I personally like about the nose part are the camera mountings! They look like horns of a rampaging bull running after the other cars (they are after the Bull in F1, if you know what I mean!). And the Silver and Green color combo works for me! I hope Lewis gives Sebastian a few sweating moments in this season!

Lewis Hamilton (44) and Nico Rosberg (6) in the Mercedes Powered F1-W05
Side view is nice, not a big deal!
Now that is what a Formula 1 car should look like!
The camera mountings look fab on that nose!

Lotus have a lethal nose, and two lethal drivers!

Pastor Maldonado, the recent new signing by Lotus because of his extreme talent (read bank balance) and Romain Grosjean are not what you call "safe drivers" on the track, and Maldonado is lethal off-track too! But that didn't stop the engineers at Lotus to design the E22 without a prong in the front. It looks like it will not think once before stabbing you twice! And notice the talent Maldonado has brought, they have marked it with PDVSA! Jokes apart, the car looks great, and hence the place!

Romain Grosjean (8) and Pastor Maldonado (13) in the Renault Powered E22
Could be an error, but one "prong" is bigger than the other
Looks like that, and has a lethal nose. MURDERRRR!!!!!

Now this is Heritage, and Simplicity!

Williams didn't go through a very easy 2013 season, with their car not performing well, and also a few mysterious accusations from one of their drivers for sabotaging the car! But they have left it all behind, they have signed the extremely talented Felipe Massa to partner Valteri Bottas, so this year, and that car looks promising too. Also, they have a new Engine supplier, Mercedes! So simplicity and passion, I hope it blends well and gives us a repeat of their awesome yesteryear successes!

Felipe Massa (19) and Valtteri Bottas (77) in the Mercedes Powered FW36

No non-sense, just simple fast car?
Doesn't look cheap, how the hell?
No stupid sponsors? Are you serious?

Unbelievable? Maybe not fast, but is definitely beautiful!

Marussia had a good 2013 season. Although they had no points, but they were ahead of Caterham, which is really important when it comes to getting money. Now what more, since Cosworth think that they can make V6 engines or maybe they don't understand ERS, they pulled out and Marussia got Ferrari! Now a car that looks like that, and has a Ferrari engine, I think it could be the F14T that wasn't! It made the top three, wow.

Jules Bianchi (17) and Max Chilton (4) in the Ferrari Powered MR03

That is a clever paint job!
The nose looks decent and is well hidden
I don't think any car looks better from this view

Sahara Force India changes its colors!

Ok, so it is an Indian team, and I have a soft spot because I am an Indian. But this car genuinely looks amazing. With the new black base color instead of white, the SFI people have shown that the risks when taken in a well organised manner are obviously going to give results like these! You can easily expect this beautiful car standing in the Parc Ferme with a podium number in front of it! Jai ho!

Nico Hulkenberg (27) and Sergio Perez (11) in the Mercedes Powered VJM07

The Hulk and Checo revealing the VJM07 
Force India in black with the tricolor? does the job well!
The nose is blacked, so it hides the obvious vulgarity! 

RB10, The world title defender!

People knew cars would be ugly, and finding loop-holes are going to be difficult, but not for Adrain Newey. This man is a genius, and has been a big factor in making Sebastian Vettel a 4 time WORLD DRIVER's CHAMP! So I was a bit worried if the RB10 would be as fast and pretty as RB9. Guess what, RB10 is actually the best looking! The color is clever, with the projection coming out of the nose blacked out like Marussia and Sahara Force India! Can it win the title again? Let's wait and watch!

World Champion Sebastian Vettel (1) and Daniel Ricciardo (3) in the Renault Powered RB10

At Jerez!

Launch at the Pit-lane?  Cool idea!!
Christian Horner, Sebastian Vettel, Daniel Ricciardo and Adrian Newey!
Now with the obvious favorites in the Red Bull, the season starts in Melbourne on 16th March, where we will get a clear picture of how competitive the new season will be due to the complexity and reliability issues! You may never know, the non-performing McLaren might win the constructors championship, or the Marussia may crack open to the podium! ONE THING IS SURE, IT WILL BE EXCITING AND SUPERB!!!!!!

Before going, please enjoy this part of the Top Gear news in the Season 21 Episode 1 aired on 2nd Feb 2014.

All photos are copied from the Facebook pages of the respective teams, and I don't own the rights to the video.

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