Formula 1 2014, the season of noses?

2014, yay! New Year means what? To me, New cars, New standards, New concepts! But the most significant one to me, and this has never happened before, the new 2014 Formula 1 season. Big changes all around, for the cars, for the teams, new rules and what not. The Technical regulations are much more detailed here, along with the new members in the teams, and the respective cars. The order is specific, and its from worst to the best!

DISCLAIMER- May contain pornographic images, please close the window if you are below 10. Oh sorry, 18! :P

This is not a good sign, it's a Gentleman's Sausage!

If you can think of anything else while you look at the nose of the CT05. Can you think of anything else? Why does it look like that? Was the designer gay, or a woman (in that case, I want her autograph)? It is hard to look at it without getting an image of you-know-what. Damn you Caterham, you hire the good guy Kamui, and give him this? Well I hope you get points, just because of Kamui. Please do something about it, else kids won't be allowed to see this sport anymore!

Kamui Kobayashi (9) and Rookie Marcus Ericsson (10) in the Renault Powered CT05

Boohoo, you can only hide it like this!

Small children be like- daddy, that car has a pee-pee!

I am not saying anything now!

F14T, Good name, worst to look at!

Ferrari was doing great. It signed Kimi "Iceman" Raikkonen in 2013, and then they asked the fans to choose the name of the car, which is really good, and is similar to FIAT (if you didn't notice that, you are dumber than you think). But then they did a big mistake, and if it wasn't for the name, it really would have been the ugliest. Just look at the nose, what happened man? You make cars like the 458, F12, LaFerrari, and then this? Oh god, Why does Kimi have to drive this ugly piece of S**T? Look at your own risk, because a sumo-wrestler sat on the nose and left his butt-print.

Kimi Raikkonen (7) and Fernando Alonso (14) in the Ferrari Powered F14T

Anteaters? Dolphins? We are Italians, we like Vacuum Cleaner!

Very hard to like, or maybe easy to hate?

Italians, you mental people, you had to get a sumo-wrestler to sit on it?

McLaren like it simple, Anteater it is!

After a horrifying Podium-less 2013, McLaren has to redeem itself this year. So you kick out the "Non-Performing" Checo Perez, you hire a rookie alongside 2009 Champ Jenson Button, and then you go simple with design. Well, McLarens have been pretty in the past, the MP4-27 and MP4-28 looked good, but this is too simple, and that nose looks like an anteater with an elephants trunk. Not done McLaren, MP4-29 not good!

Jenson Button (22) and Rookie Kevin Magnussen (20) in the Mercedes Powered MP4-29

I am Anteater, I save fuel by eating ants!

What goes at the place of MP$-29?

Atleast some tricks with the camera mountings, no?

Scuderia Toro Rosso say Bulls have pee-pees too!

Yeah, Caterham only aren't the vulgar people. STR says that their car needed a penis to satisfy with the new regulations. And their rookie boy Daniil Kvyat and Jean Eric Vergne will be strapping-on in this car (Joke will be explained once you see the video below). You could have done something to hide it STR, the STR9 looks offensive, trust me. Only the color scheme saved it, but it still will be a laugh if it hits another car or the wall.

Jean Eric Vergne (25) and Rookie Daniil Kvyat (26) in the Renault Powered STR9

The nose from this angle, heeheehee!

I wonder if online streaming will require us to click that "Above 18" button!

Sauber call it C33-Ferrari, I call it too-bland-again!

Losing the Hulk was a big blow, but they got an experienced German in Adrian Sutil along with Esteban Gutierrez. Now that phallic-organ thing, what? Did the Hulk leave that as a memoir? (no offence) And I am too bored with this color, and nothing exciting in this design what-so-ever. I hope they can match the 2013 performance, and then lose their successful driver again! (that was a bad shot, I know)

Adrian Sutil (99) and Esteban Gutierrez (21) in the Ferrari Powered C33-Ferrari

How is Chelsea a sponsor?

Need a pill? :D

Porn-filter will remove this!

Its hidden now, phew!

Best view, not offensive in any way.

Mercedes-AMG Petronas ditch the ugly nose trend, yay!

Although Ferrari don't have the anteater or dolphin or whatever style nose, it is ugly. Mercedes show that the W05 is actually how you make a decent looking car while sticking to the regulations! The nose looks good, but what I personally like about the nose part are the camera mountings! They look like horns of a rampaging bull running after the other cars (they are after the Bull in F1, if you know what I mean!). And the Silver and Green color combo works for me! I hope Lewis gives Sebastian a few sweating moments in this season!

Lewis Hamilton (44) and Nico Rosberg (6) in the Mercedes Powered F1-W05

Side view is nice, not a big deal!

Now that is what a Formula 1 car should look like!

The camera mountings look fab on that nose!

Lotus have a lethal nose, and two lethal drivers!

Pastor Maldonado, the recent new signing by Lotus because of his extreme talent (read bank balance) and Romain Grosjean are not what you call "safe drivers" on the track, and Maldonado is lethal off-track too! But that didn't stop the engineers at Lotus to design the E22 without a prong in the front. It looks like it will not think once before stabbing you twice! And notice the talent Maldonado has brought, they have marked it with PDVSA! Jokes apart, the car looks great, and hence the place!

Romain Grosjean (8) and Pastor Maldonado (13) in the Renault Powered E22

Could be an error, but one "prong" is bigger than the other

Looks like that, and has a lethal nose. MURDERRRR!!!!!

Now this is Heritage, and Simplicity!

Williams didn't go through a very easy 2013 season, with their car not performing well, and also a few mysterious accusations from one of their drivers for sabotaging the car! But they have left it all behind, they have signed the extremely talented Felipe Massa to partner Valteri Bottas, so this year, and that car looks promising too. Also, they have a new Engine supplier, Mercedes! So simplicity and passion, I hope it blends well and gives us a repeat of their awesome yesteryear successes!

Felipe Massa (19) and Valtteri Bottas (77) in the Mercedes Powered FW36

No non-sense, just simple fast car?

Doesn't look cheap, how the hell?

No stupid sponsors? Are you serious?

Unbelievable? Maybe not fast, but is definitely beautiful!

Marussia had a good 2013 season. Although they had no points, but they were ahead of Caterham, which is really important when it comes to getting money. Now what more, since Cosworth think that they can make V6 engines or maybe they don't understand ERS, they pulled out and Marussia got Ferrari! Now a car that looks like that, and has a Ferrari engine, I think it could be the F14T that wasn't! It made the top three, wow.

Jules Bianchi (17) and Max Chilton (4) in the Ferrari Powered MR03

That is a clever paint job!

The nose looks decent and is well hidden

I don't think any car looks better from this view

Sahara Force India changes its colors!

Ok, so it is an Indian team, and I have a soft spot because I am an Indian. But this car genuinely looks amazing. With the new black base color instead of white, the SFI people have shown that the risks when taken in a well organised manner are obviously going to give results like these! You can easily expect this beautiful car standing in the Parc Ferme with a podium number in front of it! Jai ho!

Nico Hulkenberg (27) and Sergio Perez (11) in the Mercedes Powered VJM07

The Hulk and Checo revealing the VJM07 

Force India in black with the tricolor? does the job well!

The nose is blacked, so it hides the obvious vulgarity! 

RB10, The world title defender!

People knew cars would be ugly, and finding loop-holes are going to be difficult, but not for Adrain Newey. This man is a genius, and has been a big factor in making Sebastian Vettel a 4 time WORLD DRIVER's CHAMP! So I was a bit worried if the RB10 would be as fast and pretty as RB9. Guess what, RB10 is actually the best looking! The color is clever, with the projection coming out of the nose blacked out like Marussia and Sahara Force India! Can it win the title again? Let's wait and watch!

World Champion Sebastian Vettel (1) and Daniel Ricciardo (3) in the Renault Powered RB10

At Jerez!

Launch at the Pit-lane?  Cool idea!!

Christian Horner, Sebastian Vettel, Daniel Ricciardo and Adrian Newey!

Now with the obvious favorites in the Red Bull, the season starts in Melbourne on 16th March, where we will get a clear picture of how competitive the new season will be due to the complexity and reliability issues! You may never know, the non-performing McLaren might win the constructors championship, or the Marussia may crack open to the podium! ONE THING IS SURE, IT WILL BE EXCITING AND SUPERB!!!!!!

Before going, please enjoy this part of the Top Gear news in the Season 21 Episode 1 aired on 2nd Feb 2014.

All photos are copied from the Facebook pages of the respective teams, and I don't own the rights to the video.

Modifications? Be careful, maybe you don't know what you are doing!

Many people have started following this new trend of modifying their cars. Many of the people I know and the people I met at the recent AutoCross 2013 event at the BIC had modified their cars to an extent I never thought was imaginable. I know that Modification is not a very "pocket-friendly" job, but then, its about your passion, right? Anyway, many people think that adding a new accessory to your car is a modification, well, read this and you will have a whole new perspective about this!

MODIFICATION- What the heck is it all about?

BMW with Lamborghini Style Doors, or LSDs

If someone comes to me and says- "hey look, I got new woofers in my car, its finally modified!", I swear to god I am gonna trip and then calmly say congratulations! Not his/her fault, because modification is a very misunderstood concept in India, maybe even more than the concept of politics (What? yeah! :P ).

A modified car from Autopsyche

Modification is the ALTERATION OF AN EXISTING FEATURE OF YOUR CAR, MOSTLY RELATED TO THE TECHNICAL, STRUCTURAL or MECHANICAL (ENGINE) ASPECT OF THE CAR (its in bold, so that you can go on revising it!). I am gonna take the aspects one by one, with a few amazing examples that I have come across over the span of my life till now (that was deep).

Modified Honda Civic

TECHNICAL ASPECTS-

ECU Remapping, outputs before and after!

There is usually a very simple and a popular modification here, you can alter the "Factory Mapping" of the ECU chip of your car, and viola, your car can go from the factory 75 BHP to as much as 95 BHP (for the Maruti Suzuki Swift ZDi). Now ECU Remapping, as it is known, is not very effective in the Petrol cars, but it can do wonders with the modern Diesels! There is also an advantage if you have a diesel (apart from the awesome turbo!), you can get a Tuning Box. This Box acts as a secondary ECU Chip, and when you want, it can take your engine to the limit. Now this is a big relief for those who think that ECU Remap can alter the Vehicle Warranty, Insurance etc, but a big disadvantage is that if you plan to enter a competition where it is not allowed, the box is noticeable. The choice is yours, and I personally feel that you should have the Remap done, and that too buy professionals like Autopsyche and Pete's Modifications! Other than this, nothing comes into the Technical part of the Modification!

STRUCTURAL ASPECTS-

Mazda Rx-8 with a fiberglass rear door

How the hell can one alter the structure of a car? Get out of your little bubble, and prepare to be shocked. There are people who buy old Esteems or Zens, and then the remove pretty much everything like Doors, Boot-lid, Bonnet, even the seats and the carpets and install a Roll-cage. What this does is that it lightens the car, and the roll-cage provides the safety, place to put your harnesses and structural rigidity to the car. But this is the extreme part, and if you think that the car is not just a race car, you can go for the little things like a body kit, custom hoods, maybe change the way your doors open (Lamborghini Style, anyone?), or change the Headlights and Tail lights (Common, too common). This is modification, not adding neon under-lighting or maybe the DRLs. Another modification is a Sunroof. The roof is cut, and you can then open it, and enjoy, well, the sunlight inside your car? I don't know, I just like the idea of getting out of a moving car when the weather is just right! But a big caution here, get it fitted buy a good shop. It may cost a few bucks more, but then you will be sure that the roof won't leak! Alloys are also a very common modification, and a bit effective because they are lighter than the traditional steel rims. Spoilers are a part of the Body kit sometimes, and a very common mistake, putting a rear wing on a front wheel drive car, should be avoided.

MECHANICAL ASPECTS-

Polo GT TSI, Lowered Suspension and ECU Re-Mapped

Have you been thinking that where are the Turbos? the Exhausts? Well they come here, under the Mechanical or the Engine part of the Modifications! This is where you can really make the car go faster because you are changing the factory fitted air filter, or the exhaust, or altering the intake system. This starts from something as simple as "Iridium Spark plugs" that can cost you about Rs. 500-1000 a set, to "K&N Air filter", which are about Rs. 5000-10,000, to "Free-Flow exhausts" (Rs. 15,000 onwards) to adding a "Turbo with intercooler and a radiator" (way above Rs. 1,00,000). This is where you can modify to your heart's extent, or to the extent that your car's engine can take the brute force!

K&N Air Filter

Magnaflow Exhaust

And how can we forget custom suspension setups. When in a race, you want your car to corner flat, because that is how you can set fast times without losing time due to slipping and lack of traction. Bilstein is a popular suspension option, and can cost Rs. 35,000 to 2,00,000). Again, these are really delicate modifications, and should be done by experts like Autopsyche or Pete's!

Self Explanatory, a brilliant piece of work from Autopsyche! 

So I hope that all your Modification related queries are solved. If not, you can leave comments below, and I will surely try to solve them! And enjoy the pics! :D

Modified Renault Duster from Pete's

Modified Honda Civic by Autopsyche

When one of your favorite car gets better!

Ok, so there are conflicts in my own mind to decide which my favorite car is! I adore the Mercedes SLS AMG, which along with the Range Rover Evoque, is my dream car. But they are not my favorite, there is an obvious difference. My favorite cars right now are, hand over heart, BMW 320d SportLine, Mercedes A180 Sport and the Maruti Suzuki Swift. I can call them all my favorites because I have driven them all. And I have a special place for the BMW 520d too!

The DRLs, yay!

Now the news is that the Japanese are making the existing awesome car even better. They introduced this new Swift DJE at the 2013 Tokyo Motor Show. Now "DJE" stands for Dual Jet Engine, and that is awesome because that is Formula 1 technology we are talking about. This uses jet engine sort of stuff instead of a turbocharger (this technology is interesting, I will explain this tech in a post soon) which increases not only the fuel economy, but also makes the car powerful! And as a result of this, the car gives about 26 kmpl. Now when I drive my Swift, I get about 25-26 kmpl, but there is a difference. I have a Diesel, this is Petrol! So 26 kmpl in a petrol car, from a 1.2 liter K-series Suzuki engine, it is astonishing.

And I thought you can't make it better, bleh!

Now the engine is the actual party piece, and along with the Regenerative Braking Technology and Idling Start/Stop System, the car is as advanced as you can get, but there are a few other features that are added too!

If that badge comes in India, expect people to stare at it!

The car gets Paddle Shifters, Daytime Running LEDs, a Push button Start/Stop button (i20, Micra, Pulse already have it) and a feature that I want in my life, A color changing instrument console! The color of the unit changes as per the throttle inputs, so you know that when it is red, you are driving like a mad guy.

The changes between the normal one and the DJE!

Expecting that these features actually do come in India, expect the Engine option to follow the other cool features. We already expect these cosmetic changes along the Push button Start/Stop button to come to India next year, and the engine, well, maybe later! I know that my love with the Swift will surely break once I drive the Polo GT TSI, but until then, the New Swift, come fast please, I love you! :D

That instrument panel, please take my money right now!

That is not the car that might come to India, but please give us a 90HP Sport version, with those headlamps and grills, PLEASE?